Just Want to Sleep
by Yami Ryo
Summary: The sixties was a time of change, free love, and British invasion. It was a time of the red scare. And it was the time Matthew and Alfred confessed their love. Fifty years later... That love is unraveling and no one ever saw it coming. (discontinued)
1. The One That is Lost

Yami Ryo: This was a dream I had that I have been convinced to share with you all. I'm so sorry. Akuoni did my summary for me so be sure to thank her!

Dedication: akuoni! A most awesome friend and brilliant catalyst!

Summary: The sixties was a time of change and free love and British invasion. It was a time of the red scare. And it was the time Matthew and Alfred confessed their love. Fifty years later... That love is unraveling and no one ever saw it coming.

_**Warning: PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE! SEXUAL ABUSE! SUICIDE! IMPERMANENT CHARACTER DEATH! Vomiting, yaoi. AND YANDERE!CANADA!**_

Pairings: Starts with CanAme! Ends in...(sighs)

_Chapter One: The One That is Lost_

America stood in the kitchen watching the stove without really seeing it. He stared blankly as he went through the motions of preparing dinner for his lover. He was making pancakes and trying not to think of anything. He just stood hoping that his lover would not want to touch him, though it was a pointless hope; Canada always wanted to touch him. He swallowed thickly trying not to cry again and flipped the pancake over so it would not overcook. He heard the door open and his hands began to shake a little.

"Smells good," Canada's voice drifted into the kitchen and America felt his heart lift a little. Canada walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around America's waist as he put his head on America's shoulder to watch him make pancakes, he grew nervous with Canada watching and bit his lip. "Well, look at that. You finally learned to do something right. It only took you fifty years to learn to make a decent pancake. Too bad you're useless for anything else." And just like that his heart plummeted like stone.

"I'm sorry." America's voice trembled with tears as he spoke. Canada breathed in his scent and began kissing his neck.

"You could make it up to me." Canada told him huskily. A few tears fell from America's eyes.

"I don't want to. Please Mattie don't." America pleaded not wanting to go through _that_ again. Canada frowned at America.

"Why not? You owe me Alfred. You know I'm the only one that will ever love you!" Canada snapped angrily. America choked back a sob. "You're stupid, ugly, and completely useless. Nothing about you is remotely likable! Even though it's a huge burden I love you anyway so you better get your stupid fat ass upstairs and naked in my bed or so help me I will leave you!" America burst into tears and Canada smirked to himself as America covered his face sobbing. "What the hell are you crying for you useless piece of shit? I'm the one that should be crying! I just want to fuck you and you're acting like a drama queen again. This is one of the reasons no one else is ever going to love you. You're a crybaby and you never do anything right. Even though you're disgusting and annoying I love you so the least you can do is get your dumb ass upstairs and let me fuck you." America cried harder and nodded just like Canada knew he would. Canada moved aside and let America stumble passed him toward their bedroom.

Canada took great pleasure in America's miserable sobbing and shut off the stove quickly eating the pancake that was left in the pan. Canada smirked to himself believing he had done a good job after all he got a good dinner and he was going to get laid. He took his time following after America knowing that his lover would still be crying and taking a while to undress himself. He strolled into the room and just like he predicted America was in their bed crying and tugging at his clothes though in reluctant motions as though hoping he would not really have to remove them. Canada walked into the room and over to the bed and grabbed America's shirt.

"Since you obviously can't even take off your clothes properly I'll help you." Canada told him condescendingly. America looked away from him his whole body trembling as he cried. Slowly Canada peeled America's clothes from his body making sure to enjoy his beautiful flesh as he did, kissing every inch that was revealed and touching every part of him. "There we go. You're not much but you're mine. No one else will ever touch you like I do. No one else will ever love you like I do, you know that right?" Canada demanded pushing America's naked body down to lay flat on the bed. America nodded continuing to cry and refusing to look at Canada.

"I know." America replied his voice choked and trembling as much as his body. Canada smirked against America's skin licking, kissing, and biting as he went marking America as his and touching him everywhere. Canada continued thoroughly enjoying America's body and America felt sicker and sicker as Canada used him. He felt disgusting and filthy everywhere that Canada touched and marked. When Canada finally entered him he had to fight the urge to vomit. Canada was not kind with him and took his pleasure from his body and when he was done he pulled out and lay beside America to sleep. America got up and hobbled to the bathroom.

America collapsed next to the toilet emptying his stomach and sobbing. When there was nothing left in his stomach and only dry heaves left him he crawled to the shower and turned the water to the hottest setting scalding his skin badly as he scrubbed himself raw trying to wash Canada from his body. He stayed in the tub scrubbing until he bled, until the water turned icy and chilled him to the core. He turned the water off and sat in the tub for a long time before getting dressed and going to sleep on the couch, he could not bare the thought of Canada touching him right then.

America paused in front of the couch before sneaking off to the kitchen and crouching down to dig into the back of the cabinet under the sink. He pushed aside the cleaning products and empty trash bag box and found a large unmarked pill bottle. He pulled out the bottle and looked at it with shaky hands.

"Just a few so I can sleep..." He whispered to himself opening the bottle and pouring four pill capsules into his hand. He swallowed them all at once replaced the cap and put the bottle back moving everything back to hide it. He quickly walked over to the couch and curled into a ball falling asleep almost instantly.

* * *

By the time America woke up again it was midday and Canada was at work again. America was thankful to the pills because he knew Canada must have tried to wake him up for sex again when he noticed that he was not wearing his sleep pants or boxers. He sat on the couch and cried hard for a while.

"I don't...I can't do this...Not anymore...It's been fifty years of this...I can't anymore..." America sobbed into the empty air. He picked himself up and went back to the kitchen. He dug into the cabinet again and grabbed his pill bottle. He shook it and breathed a relief at the satisfying sound of a bottle nearly full. He did not bother to close the cabinet stumbling his way to the bathroom. Once inside he put the bottle on the counter and turned the shower on scalding hot. He began his cleansing ritual again but this time as the water chilled him he changed it to the bath faucet. He plugged the drain and stepped out of the tub and up to the bathroom sink.

America stood there for a few minutes watching his miserable reflection before opening the mirror cabinet and taking Canada's strait razor from inside. It was an old fashioned one made of pure silver. He opened it admiring the shining blade for a moment before picking up the bottle and returning to the filling tub. Once the tub was full he stopped the water and got back in to the icy bath. He smiled at the blade in one hand and the pill bottle in the other and set the bottle down on the rim of the tub.

"I'll just go to sleep...I won't wake up this time...I can't wake up this time..." America breathed solemnly. He brought the blade to the middle of his inner wrist on his left arm and pressed down hard slicing down his arm all the way to his inner elbow. He sliced through flesh, veins, capillaries, and muscle ignoring the pain it caused and the blood that poured. He switched the blade to his other hand and made an identical cut on his right arm.

America's arms trembled with effort as he grabbed his pill bottle opened it and began swallowing his pills four at a time. He continued to swallow until more than half the bottle was gone and he began to feel numb no longer able to move. He tried to put the bottle back on the rim of the tub only for it to fall over the edge what was left of the contents scattering across the tile floor. It no longer mattered to him because he could feel himself falling asleep and smiled with trembling lips. A floating feeling of freedom filled him for just a brief moment before he was lost to oblivion and slipped beneath the crimson waters of the tub. He could not even feel himself drown.

TBC...

Yami Ryo: Okay after reading this keep in mind that he is a NATION. I want you all to remember that verbal abuse is still abuse! It is not to be taken lightly!


	2. When Love is Not Love

Yami Ryo: I'm ill again...very ill...updates will probably be slow for a while so please be patient with me. Be sure to thank akuoni! She edited this for me!

Dedication: akuoni! A most awesome friend and brilliant catalyst!

Summary: The sixties was a time of change and free love and British invasion. It was a time of the red scare. And it was the time Matthew and Alfred confessed their love. Fifty years later... That love is unraveling and no one ever saw it coming.

_**Warning: PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE! SEXUAL ABUSE! SUICIDE! IMPERMANENT CHARACTER DEATH! Yaoi. AND YANDERE!CANADA!**_

Pairings: Starts with CanAme! Ends in...(sighs) We'll see how it goes...

**_Chapter Two: When Love is Not Love_**

It was already long after nightfall by the time Canada managed to make his way back home. Exhausted and annoyed with his boss Canada was relieved to finally be able to go home to his beautiful lover. He was hoping for a warm meal and a pleasurable night as he opened the door to a dark house. Canada looked around the dark room; his annoyance growing.

"Alfred where are you? Dinner better be ready I had a long day." Canada called into the dead silent house. The silence began to make him feel uneasy, usually there was never silence as America hated silence. Unsettled, Canada began searching through the rooms in the house, starting with the living room and kitchen. "Alfred you better be home! I keep telling you not to leave the house!" Canada called out, frustrated. As he walked down the hall towards the bedroom, he saw that the bathroom light was on and felt relieved that America was only bathing again. Grinning, Canada decided to join America and threw open the door. However, the sight inside caused his whole being to lurch, his heart seizing and his stomach to drop below his shoes. For one horrifying moment... His entire world stopped and he could hear nothing, see nothing but the blood filled tub, America's knees sticking up from the water and pills lay scattered across the floor.

Canada rushed forward and lifted America from the blood bath, screaming hysterically. No coherent thought could make it into his mind beyond holding America close to himself. He screamed, pain overtaking his mind at the feeling of America's icy body. America had never felt so cold before, he had always been warm and soft and his body was now cold and hard. Canada held his body to himself, rocking back and forth as he sobbed, kissing his lips and caressing his beautiful lifeless face. As he sobbed over his lover, America's body jerked suddenly and blood spurted from his lips. Canada jerked back in surprise before carefully lowering him to the tile floor, hope blooming in his chest like a struggling and dried up flower.

Canada adjusted America's body and began to perform CPR on him silently, hoping and praying to any god that would listen that his love would be alright. After a few minutes of determined resuscitation, America coughed up all the blood that had been in his lungs and began to breath slowly and deeply. It was a wet struggling, sound and Canada knew that America was not safe yet, so he pulled his cellphone from his pocket and called an ambulance. He looked around the bathroom and tried to use the towel in there to stem the blood gushing from the horrible gaping gashes on America's arms.

The whole night blurred together as the ambulance workers pushed him away and got America to the hospital. All the events, the questioning, the whole night, the waiting, it all blurred into an exhausting night of horror for Canada and felt like nothing more than a terrible nightmare. As he waited in the waiting room for any news, he began to wonder where he went wrong. How things had become so fucked up. Taking his cell phone from his pocket and stared at his contact list. He needed help and staring at the first contact on his list, he knew that they were probably the only one that could help him figure out where it went so wrong. He pushed the button and listened to it ring, he heard the other answer and took a deep breath.

"Papa...Something terrible has happened...Alfie he..." Canada could speak no more as he crumbled into hysterical sobbing, babbling incoherently and trying to explain what he had come home to. Trying to explain what happened that night and what was going on so far. He heard France try to calm him over the phone and assure him that he would be over as soon as he was able.

At least twelve hours passed and France entered the emergency room, looking around quickly, urgently trying to spot his dear former brother, Canada. He spotted Canada and rushed over to the hunched, trembling form.

"Matthieu what is going on? What has happened?" France asked compassionately. Canada sniffled, a little more under control now that he had had time to calm down.

"I came home and Alfred was dead in our tub." Canada told him, voice trembling miserably. France was so shocked he was unable to speak for a few moments.

"Mon deiu..." France muttered, sitting down heavily beside Canada. "Matthieu, what happened, mon petit chou?" Canada took a deep, shaky breath.

"I came home and he was laying in the tub...It was full of his own blood Papa! He slit his arms open and drowned in his own blood." Canada told him slowly, becoming more hysterical as he explained. France hugged him and shushed him, rubbing his back and trying to keep him calm.

"Matthieu, has dear Alfred been showing any signs of depression lately?" France asked seriously. Canada pulled away from France and buried his face in his hands, his elbows on his knees, and his thoughts racing. A sinking feeling filled France's heart. "Matthieu what has been going on?" France demanded firmly, refraining from touching the younger nation.

"I just wanted him to stay. I-I didn't mean for things to get this bad!" Canada confessed breathing heavily, horror replaced the sinking feeling in France's heart.

"Mon deiu..." France breathed, the horror he felt seeping into his voice. "Matthieu what did you do?" France demanded, his voice rising. Canada flinched and choked back a sob.

"I-I've been keeping him locked in the house!" Canada began, his voice louder than normal but not so loud that it would draw unnecessary attention. "I've been breaking down his confidence. I just didn't want him to leave me! He's so beautiful! So amazing! I just...if he knew how perfect he was he would know that he's too good for me and he would have left me! He would have left me if he knew how gorgeous and wonderful he was he would find someone that was just as amazing as he was to be with him! I just didn't want him to leave me so, so I did everything I could to make sure he couldn't realize it. I-I had to keep him inside the house! If I didn't someone else would take him from me! You've seen him! You can see how beautiful and sweet he is, some other man would have come in and taken him from me! He's mine! I love him! He's supposed to be with me!" Canada confessed, growing more and more hysterical as the words poured from his mouth. France stared at Canada in disbelief, great disappointment, and utter horror.

"Matthieu...You have been abusing him!" France accused with so much disappointment. It was tinged with disgust.

"No! No, no! I love him! I love Alfred so much! I would never hurt him...I-I didn't mean to hurt him. He-he was always crying and-and I know he wanted to go out but I couldn't risk it! I couldn't risk that he would realize how great he was and that some stupid bastard would just swoop in and take him from me. I love him, so much I needed him to stay with me. I-I know I shouldn't have made him cry so much and-and he hasn't wanted me to touch him in so long...B-but he always let me! But he always stays in the shower for so long...he always comes out of the bathroom with his skin scrubbed raw and he's been sleeping so heavily lately...It's almost impossible to wake him up anymore and he's always crying and-and he flinches every time he sees me...I love him, you have to believe me! I love him so much!" The more that Canada confessed, the more horrified he became with himself and the more guilty he became. For the longest time Canada really believed that he could just ignore all the signs so long as his America stayed with him.

"Incroyable! Vous enfant fol incroyable! Comment vous pourrait faire quelque chose comme cela! Ce n'est pas l'amour! La douleur et la misère comme ça ne pouvaient jamais être l'amour!" France cried, standing up and pointing an accusing finger at Canada, so very angry and disappointed. "L'amour n'est pas pénible! L'amour ne devrait pas jamais être si pénible!"

"No! I do love him! I love him so much!" Canada denied, sobbing and holding his head in his hands, tugging at his hair.

"Excuse me." A deep, firm voice interrupted them. Canada and France turned quickly to the person interrupting them to see a rather tall, solemn-looking man in a doctors coat.

"Is he alright?" Canada demanded tearfully, standing quickly, France waited beside him with bated breath. hoping that the worst had not occurred.

"Mr. Jones is stable," The doctor began, watching them both carefully. "However he is now in a coma and it is very unlikely that he will wake anytime soon." Canada sat down, heavily devastation settling in his heart. France's face completely drained of color.

"Is there nothing that can be done?" France asked helplessly. The doctor shook his head sympathetically.

"We've done all we can. It's up to him if he wants to wake up." The doctor informed them. "He is in room 236. You may see him if you like." The doctor excused himself to tend to his other patients and France sat down beside Canada, his own heart clenching in great pain. How had it all come to this?

TBC...

Yami Ryo: Remember to be grateful to akuoni my dear beta and wonderful friend!

Translations:

Mon deiu: My god

Mon petit chou: My little cabbage

Incroyable! Vous enfant fol incroyable! Comment vous pourrait faire quelque chose comme cela! Ce n'est pas l'amour! La douleur et la misère comme ça ne pouvaient jamais être l'amour!: Unbelievable! You unbelievable foolish child! How could you do something like this! That is not love! Pain and misery like that could never be love!

L'amour n'est pas pénible! L'amour ne devrait pas jamais être si pénible!: Love is not painful! Love should not ever be so painful!


	3. Let Him Go

Summary: The sixties was a time of change and free love and British invasion. It was a time of the red scare. And it was the time Matthew and Alfred confessed their love. Fifty years later... That love is unraveling and no one ever saw it coming.

_**Warning: PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE! SEXUAL ABUSE! SUICIDE! IMPERMANENT CHARACTER DEATH! Yaoi. AND YANDERE!CANADA!**_

Pairings: Starts with CanAme! Ends in...(sighs) We'll see how it goes...

**_Chapter Three: Let Him Go  
_**

Canada held America's left hand between his as he sat in the chair next to the bed, watching America's peacefully sleeping face. America was so beautiful even while he slept, so Canada brought one of his hands up to caress his face and run his fingers through his slumbering lover's hair.

"C'mon Alfie...It's time to wake up. I love you...I love you so much...You know that don't you? You know that I love you with all of my heart, right?" Canada told him softly, lightly squeezing the hand in his.

"Matthieu." France interrupted, his voice authoritative; Canada looked up at his elder brother figure, a miserable look on his face. "I think it would be for the best if you did not see him again." France was firm in this decision. Canada's jaw dropped in horror before rage overtook his features.

"What do you mean? What are you talking about?" Canada demanded darkly. France had never seen Canada like this before and he almost backed away... But his eyes fell upon America and his resolve strengthened.

"Matthieu, look at him! Just look at what you have brought him to!" France snapped furiously, causing Canada to flinch back as though slapped.

"I-It wasn't my fault! I didn't mean it I just...I love him so much." Canada tried to defend himself, though it sounded weak even to his own ears.

"If you love him you will stay away from him. I will be taking Amérique home with me and you are **not** to come near him again Matthieu, not until you receive psychological help." France told him firmly.

"_NO_! He's **_MINE_** damn it!" Canada snarled possessively standing up so quickly he knocked the chair he had been sitting in over. France did not back down, this was far too important to back down.

"I must do what is best for Amérique! Right now what is best is to separate you both from each other." France told him.

"No! He's _mine_ and _I'll_ do what's best for him without _your_ help! I won't let him go!" Canada sneered venomously. "_Out_! Get out! I'm not going to let you take him from me!" Canada hissed like an angry cat and France backed away in shock. France frowned hard at his former charge.

"You will only make this worse on Amérique." France tried once more. Canada glared loathingly at France, standing close to America possessively.

"He's mine and you can't have him." Canada told him coldly. France frowned deeply and left the room. Quickly making his way down the hall, France pulled his cell from his pocket and selected the speed dial. It was time he called in the cavalry.

France waited for nearly five hours in the hospital lobby for the one he had called. Just as France was intending to return to the room that held America and Canada within, England's familiar frame stepped into view. England spotted France and stormed over, a look of annoyance and worry on his face.

"What is going on you sodding git?" England demanded, beyond concerned at this point.

"It is Amérique, Angleterre...He has tried to kill himself." France informed him solemnly. England stared at him in horror, tears beginning to fill his eyes.

"H-he...he tried to..." England could not even finish the sentence the thought too horrible to comprehend.

"That is not the worst of it I'm afraid..." France told him his own voice cracking with sorrow.

"Not the worst? _Not_ the worst! What could be _worse_?" England shouted, frustrated and miserable.

"Our sweet Matthieu is the cause! Matthieu has been abusing sweet Alfred and making him so miserable that the only solution in his eyes was suicide." France said, angry and sad.

"He did **_WHAT_**? !" England cried, out furious. France shook his head.

"Angleterre, we have a problem! Matthieu will not stand aside and allow me to take Alfred away from here. I had intended to take Alfred home with me so that he may recover from these horrors committed on him and Matthieu refuses to release his hold on Alfred. He intends to fight me for Alfred. I need your help Angleterre, we must get Alfred away from him before he wakes up or I fear the damage done will never be erased!" France pleaded, tears falling from his eyes. England swallowed back his own tears and nodded.

"I will help you get Alfred away from him." England agreed. France smiled in grim relief.

TBC...

Yami Ryo: Remember to be grateful to akuoni my dear beta and wonderful friend!


	4. America's Dream

_**Summary: This chapter is America dreaming while in a coma! ! !**_

_**Warning: PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE! SEXUAL ABUSE! SUICIDE! IMPERMANENT CHARACTER DEATH! Yaoi. AND YANDERE!CANADA!**_

**_Chapter Four: America's Dream  
_**

America lay floating in water directly under the wide blackened sky. There were no clouds or stars and there was nothing that he could see but dark red tinted black water all around him. He did not bother to move simply floating there doing nothing.

"Where has the light gone?" He heard a soft childish voice ask sadly. He did not answer for a moment simply floating there.

"I don't know...There has been no light here for such a long time..." He answered his own voice laced with misery.

"What did the light look like?" The voice asked gently. America thought hard about this question trying to remember.

"I...I don't know...I don't remember what it looked like..." He replied his voice wavering.

"But then...how are we going to find the light if we don't know what it looks like?" The voice demanded.

"I guess we don't find it...It'll never be bright here again..." He said his voice breaking. The voice sniffled.

"Where is everyone? How come we're all alone?" The voice asked. America curled in on himself defensively.

"There are no people here...People only bring pain..." America replied his voice trembling and tears falling from his eyes.

"But...who will tuck us in and tell us stories? Who will make the owies go away? Who's gonna give us hugs and kisses? Who's going to love us?" The little voice pleaded. America curled tighter in on himself.

"NO!" He screamed covering his ears. "People only hurt! They always hurt! Love is not real and I won't be a part of it! It's all lies and love only brings suffering and grief!" A loud crack sounded and the previously calm waters began to roar with rage and pain.

"I wanna go home! I WANNA GO HOME!" The little voice screamed in fear sobbing helplessly.

"Don't you get it! ? There IS NO HOME!" America wailed miserably great terrible sobs ripping from his throat. The water roared up in great waves and crashed into him dragging him in deeper as the sky crumbled into great shards falling into the water around him and following him down to the bottom of the abyss. "There is no light...there is no love...there is no home...and there is no hope..." America whispered as he plunged deeper into the darkness.

"Wasn't there anyone who loved us?" He heard the little voice ask again. The voice sounded as though it were right next to him.

"No...there was never anyone to love us...There was only lies and hate and pain..." America whispered back. The little voice began to cry harder.

"B-but I thought big brother Arthur loved us! Didn't France love us? Mattie...Mattie promised he'd love us always!" The voice pleaded helplessly.

"Arthur lied...he only wanted money and power...France just wanted to hurt Arthur...Mattie...Mattie only wanted to hurt...We are unloved and unwanted...There is nothing of us that is worth loving and so there is no love...there is only pain here...only pain for us..." America whispered watching his crimson tears float away into the darkening waters. He could feel himself sinking faster and faster into the black abyss and he felt less and less like struggling away.

"I'm scared..." The voice whispered.

"Why?" America asked needlessly.

"It's so dark and cold here..." The voice replied miserably.

"It is always dark here...The light has gone away and with it all the warmth..." America replied.

"I don't understand!" The little voice cried. "Why did the light go? Why won't anyone love us? How come we don't have a home anymore?"

"You don't need to understand...Mattie took the light away...He took away the light, the warmth. He took away our home and he left us without our heart...He ripped it out and ate it..." America told the voice morbidly.

"Liar! LIAR! Mattie loves us! He said so!" The voice screamed defiantly. America laughed humorlessly.

"'He said so'," America mocked miserably sobbing. "If that's true then it's also true that I'm worthless. That I am ugly and unlovable. That he is better off without me and the world would be a better place had I never existed. It must be true then...Mattie loves me but I'm not worth it...So I'll stay here...because it's the least I could do for the only one that loves me..." The voice remained silent for a long time after that.

"Did we do something wrong? Why is Mattie so mean to us now? He loves us doesn't he?" The voice asked trying to understand, America laughed again no joy in the sound only pain and misery.

"I never do anything right. Mattie said so. I'm ugly and stupid and I can never do anything right. I'm not worth the time he takes to love me, to t-touch me. Everything about me is disgusting and worthless. That's what Mattie said and since he loves me it must be true." America told the voice heavily. The voice began to cry again.

"Why? He promised! He promised that we would be happy together! That everything would be okay!" The voice cried.

"I don't know!" America snapped voice breaking with pain. "I don't know what I did! I'm sorry! I wish I could fix it, I tried to fix it but it only got worse!" America began to sob hard. "I don't know where all my dreams went! All my hopes and dreams are broken now and I don't know why! Everything I've ever wanted for us has fallen apart and I just can't fix it anymore...I can't live in this broken dream anymore...so it's time that I leave..." The voice went silent for a long time as America mourned for his lost hopes and shattered dreams.

"What will happen to us?" The voice asked suddenly and America smiled for the first time in this place.

"Hopefully we will become nothing and never have to feel anything at all anymore." America told the voice.

"I wanna go home..." The voice sobbed.

"I told you...there is no home left for us in that broken dream..." America sighed a few more tears floating into the abyss.

TBC...

Yami Ryo: Remember to be grateful to akuoni my dear wonderful friend!


	5. Cannot Do It Alone

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing!_**

**_Shameless Plug: Read my other fics_**

_**Warning: PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE! SEXUAL ABUSE! SUICIDE! IMPERMANENT CHARACTER DEATH! Yaoi. AND YANDERE!CANADA!**_

_**Chapter Five: Cannot Do It Alone  
**_

Prussia glared at the two other nations in the room with him. For years he had been trying to get America away from that bastard Canada and none of his plans worked. The most he could do is sneak into the house while Canada was gone to visit with America and try and help him. Lithuania and Poland squirmed a little under his gaze before Poland finally slammed his hands on the table and stood up.

"Enough of this Prussia! Just like tell us what's wrong with Alfie!" Poland demanded furiously, while Lithuania nodded in agreement.

"Why does he keep refusing to meet up with us?" Lithuania asked, worried.

"Yeah! It's been like years since the last time we like went shopping together!" Poland complained loudly.

"Look, Al's been in a lot of trouble for a long time now. You both know he got together with that fucker Canada, right?" Prussia spat Canada's name out with loathing.

"Yeah, I like totally knew that. I still think they're like all wrong for each other." Poland snapped back.

"I knew they got together as well." Lithuania voiced softly.

"And just when did our Al stop coming to meet with us? When did he start making us call only during certain hours? When did he begin to change?" Prussia challenged, intending for them to put the pieces together themselves.

"People always like change when they start like dating someone. But I guess that this is getting like totally ridiculous. Our Alfie never did anything like this before even like when he started dating that hoebag Mexico. He always like met up with us for our weekly Friend Night." Poland complained, growing impatient.

"Alfred did seem to change greatly when he started dating Mr. Canada." Lithuania piped up, worried.

"That's cause that bastard has been abusing our Al!" Prussia shouted furiously, slamming his fist into the table between them causing it to crack loudly.

"He WHAT! ?" The two demanded in absolute rage, standing up quickly and knocking their chairs over.

"How do you know this?" Lithuania interrogated, actually glaring.

"I've been spying of course! What did you think I was doing all this time? ! I got sick of waiting for Al to tell us what's wrong and went to see for myself. It took a while to put it together but it's the only explanation! Especially since my sources tell me that Al's in the hospital right now in critical condition! I wasn't able to find out exactly what happened, but whatever it was, I know Canada was the one that caused it!" Prussia told them angrily.

"That fucking BASTARD! He is like so DEAD when I get my hands on him!" Poland screamed in rage, breathing heavily.

"That's why Alfred has been refusing to come see us? ! We can't stand for this! Alfred is our friend and we won't let this travesty go unpunished!" Lithuania cried, loathing in his eyes.

"We can't tell any of the other nations what's going on!" Prussia cut in, causing the other two to look at him in disbelief.

"Like why not? We should like tell everyone at like the next world meeting so we can like have backup to totally obliterate that utter bastard!" Poland protested.

"No! Al's going to be really vulnerable and we all know the other nations would try and take advantage of him while he's recovering." Prussia told them. Poland and Lithuania looked as though they had been slapped. Thinking carefully, they agreed and the three began to plot together the best way to get America away from Canada and to get revenge for their friend. What they did not know was that Russia had been standing just outside the door and had heard everything they had discussed. Quickly forming a plan of his own, Russia turned around forgetting any plans he had with Lithuania in favor of this new development.

**

* * *

**

Russia stood just outside the hospital that his own spies told him that America was in. His own spies had given him the information that America was in a coma after what appeared to be a suicide attempt; they also informed him of confirmed mental and sexual abuse by Canada. Russia smirked to himself, knowing that America would be very vulnerable and weak after such a traumatizing event. He would be very pliant and easily manipulated. Russia would gain a loyal companion if it killed everyone he came in contact with. Russia went inside and walked up to the front desk, asking politely for the room of Alfred Jones and made his way to the upper floors with his destination memorized.

As Russia got closer to the room, he heard arguing and shouting and giggled to himself. Russia peaked into the room to see who was there and saw Canada, England, and France all arguing with each other about America. After closing the door quietly, he stood thoughtfully outside the door before smirking and going off to find a doctor to inform them of the ruckus that the other nations were making. It was easy enough to find a doctor that was touchy enough to throw the other three nations out for disturbing the patients. After waiting a while, Russia made his way back to America's room and went inside, gazing thoughtfully at America's frail sleeping form. He looked weaker than Russia had initially thought he would. Russia detached him from the machine quickly and carried America carefully out of the room and down the hall. He passed a few frantic doctors running back to America's room. Sneaking out of the hospital with America had actually been much easier than Russia had thought it would be. He shook his head at the pathetic hospital staff, carrying America to his car and carefully buckling America's sleeping form into the passenger seat.

**

* * *

**

France, England, and Canada were not informed of America's disappearance until early the next day. This did not go over well with any of them; at first they blamed the staff for letting it happen in the first place before Canada accused France and England of sneaking in and taking his America. France and England had no problem accusing Canada of the very same in order to throw them off. The accusations continued to fly until they finally began to fight physically about it. Nothing had ever torn them apart quiet as completely as this had. Canada was suspicious of his paternal figures and loathing of them for taking his love while France and England were just as suspicious and hateful of Canada for what he had done to their other child and what they suspected he had done recently. While France, Canada, and England fought and raged, Russia brought America to the room he had set up for the young nation, tucking him in happily and waiting by his bedside for him to awaken from his deep slumber.

Slowly, America woke from his dark dream and looked around the strange room he was in. He began to hyperventilate upon seeing his new surroundings, wondering where he was and what could have happened. The door suddenly opened, revealing Russia who stepped into the room and looked at him with great delight. America had never felt so confused and lost in his entire life and quickly met Russia's gaze with pleading questioning eyes.

"What's going on? Why am I here?" America asked, trying to calm his breathing down, though he was not entirely successful.

"Your lover Canada gave you to me." Russia lied happily, a giddy smile on his face. America looked at him with utter devastation written in his features.

"He...He gave me to you?" America broke down sobbing. He wondered what he had done that was so horrible that Canada would give him to the person that had so recently been his worst enemy.

"He did not like that you tried to leave him, so he gave you to me. It is okay, I will take good care of you comrade." Russia promised. America only sobbed harder, curling in on himself. Russia sighed and walked over, sitting in the bed and rubbing America's back. "Do not be so sad. Little Canada did not know what he once had." America shook his head, sobbing.

"He's the only one that's ever loved me and now he doesn't want me!" America sobbed pitifully.

"But I do." Russia piped up, causing America to look up at him in shock. "You will make very good friend. You can take care of house and we go out to movies and do things friends do." Russia told him excitedly like a child on Christmas. America looked away again and sobbed into his still bandaged arms.

"But you don't love me!" America cried in despair.

"Not true comrade. I love you like friend." Russia told him, grinning widely. America looked up at him in surprise again.

"W-what? You...you do?" America asked, disbelieving.

"Of course. Friends Lithuania, Poland, and Prussia miss you. Maybe I let them come see you if you do good." Russia told him happily.

"R-really? You'll let me see Toris, Feliks, and Gil?" America asked hopefully. Russia nodded in agreement.

"But you must get better and take care of house. You cook, clean, and do other chores while I work and we go out to have fun." Russia told him. "It is deal?" Russia held out his hand for America to shake. America hesitantly accepted the hand held out to him and shook it.

"Deal." America agreed, thinking that maybe life with Russia would not be so bad.

**

* * *

**

Prussia was absolutely furious when his informants told him that America had been abducted from the hospital without anyone knowing, three days after the fact. Prussia made sure to beat them senseless and called another meeting with Poland and Lithuania. Meeting with the other two in Poland's home, he was annoyed to have to inform them of what happened.

"We have a huge problem." Prussia snarled, still entirely too frustrated.

"Oh like what now, you stupid Prussian." Poland groaned, annoyed himself. They were already late collecting America because that damn Prussian wanted the 'perfect' plan.

"Al's been abducted and my spies weren't able to tell me who did it. Just that it wasn't Canada, England, or France that did it, cause the morons keep fighting instead of trying to find him." Prussia told him stiffly. Poland stood up quickly, glaring at Prussia furiously.

"Are you like saying that you have like no idea where our Alfie has gone? !" Poland demanded, his hands on his slim hips.

"How could you have lost him Prussia!" Lithuania demanded, standing up himself and glaring at Prussia darkly. Prussia held up his hands in surrender.

"Don't go blaming this on my awesome self! Those damn idiots were posted there to keep a fucking eye on Al and they didn't do their fucking jobs." Prussia defended himself. Poland glared at Prussia, stomping over to him, his six inch heels clacking loudly on his hardwood floors.

"Those were like YOUR men! That like makes them YOUR responsibility which like means that our Alfie was like under YOUR care when he was taken!" Poland snarled, jamming his thin index finger harshly into Prussia's sternum. Prussia was about to snap back a biting retort when Lithuania decided enough was enough.

"QUIET! Both of you!" Lithuania screamed, shocking both Poland and Prussia into dead silence. "We don't have time to argue amongst ourselves! Alfred could be in serious trouble and if WE don't pull together to save him, no one else will! Now sit DOWN!" Poland and Prussia looked down guiltily and sat down in the couch. "Now we are going to come up with a plan together and we are going to find Alfred and save him like proper friends should!" Poland and Prussia nodded in agreement and they all began making plans together.

TBC...

Yami Ryo: Special thanks to akuoni who beta'd this and inspired it.


	6. He Who is Lost

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing!_**

**_Shameless Plug: Read my other fics_**

_**Warning: PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE! SEXUAL ABUSE! SUICIDE! IMPERMANENT CHARACTER DEATH! Yaoi. AND YANDERE!CANADA!**_

_**Chapter Six: He Who is Lost  
**_

America sighed, alphabetizing the books that Russia had randomly placed on the shelf in no order that America could see. All of the books were in Russian and it was a little difficult to remember how to read it but he managed and put them all in order before picking the duster back up and walking around the room, dusting things off again. America had been getting himself accustomed to being in Russia. It was a slow process, but after two months he thought he had the hang of it. America saw a rather dusty vase in the corner and went over to it and began lightly dusting it off. America heard the door suddenly open behind himself and was so startled by it he jerked in surprise, knocking the vase over and causing it to shatter on the floor. America stared at the vase in horror, quickly crouching down and grabbing at the shattered remains and cutting up his hands in he process as he tried to put all the pieces together.

"Comrade no!" Russia's voice suddenly cried, startling America again causing him to squeeze the large shard in his left hand in fear. America looked up at Russia who rushed over to him, a slightly angry and worried expression on his face.

"I-I'm sorry! I'll fix it! Please!" America almost sobbed, dropping the shard and scooting back a little.

"Foolish clumsy child! Let me see your hands." Russia ordered, grabbing America's wrists gently and looking at his cut up palms and fingers. Russia glared darkly at the wounds and blood as though trying to intimidate the wounds into disappearing. America trembled in his hands and Russia sighed, pulling America up onto his feet. "You should be more careful. You should know better than to touch broken glass like silly child." Russia scolded as he led America to the bathroom to patch up his wounds.

Russia sighed aloud, they had been living together for a few months and this was the first time he had felt the need to actually scold America for anything. Usually America was quiet and stayed out of the way, doing whatever he deemed he needed to. America had taken on most of the house cleaning and even cooked sometimes. Russia actually missed his rival's more loud and rambunctious habits from before the war...from before he started dating Canada. Russia sat America down on the toilet and got out the first-aid kit.

America had been holding back tears the entire time Russia had appeared. He felt so stupid and useless with Russia scolding him like a small child. Hot tears rolled down his cheeks and he bit his bottom lip to keep it from wobbling as he sniffled miserably.

"Why would you do something so foolish? You are adult. You should not act like little child." Russia scolded him as he turned back towards America and opened the first-aid kit. He pulled out the tweezers and began to pick out little pieces of glass from America's hands. Russia looked at America's face for a moment and saw how miserable he was and let out a reluctant sigh. Russia knew that America was still very fragile after his many years of abuse and that he was waiting for the degrading insults and hurtful words to pour from Russia's own lips. "Amerika. Look at me."

America reluctantly looked up into Russia's face, a few more tears rolling down his cheeks. "I am sorry to be so hard on you but you must learn not to do silly things like that. You could get hurt very badly like that. Come now Comrade, when we are done I will take you to your silly hamburger place." Russia promised. America looked at him with such awe it almost made Russia laugh.

"Y-you'll really take me to McDonald's?" America asked hesitantly. Russia nodded and America beamed happily at him. "I haven't had a burger in over twenty years! M-Canada says I'm fat enough..." America looked down at himself, tears gathering in his eyes as he saw something that was not there. Russia mentally cursed Canada's existence and tilted America's chin up to look him in the eyes.

"You are not fat Comrade. Canada is liar and he only wants to hurt you." Russia told him seriously. America shook his head, tears falling freely.

"N-no he loves-loved me." America protested. Russia sighed and finished cleaning and bandaging America's wounds.

"No more tears Comrade. Wash your face and put on your coat. We shall go to McDonald's now." Russia told him. America gave him a shaky smile and wiped away his tears with the backs of his hands, trying not to get the bandages wet. America walked over to the sink and wet a wash cloth and cleaned his face while Russia went to go wait by the door. Russia did not have to wait long before America came down the stairs, wearing his typical bomber jacket and some boots.

The two walked together down the cool spring streets of Moscow, Russia. America was very interested in their surroundings and Russia was only too happy to talk about his beloved capitol. It was not long before they reached McDonald's and sat down together, making plans to visit various places that Russia spoke about. The two actually began to enjoy the small meal together, talking about anything that came to mind. America was surprised that he was actually beginning to enjoy himself and Russia was happy that they were actually able to behave like friends. He had been beginning to think that the rival he had both admired and loathed was completely gone. But talking with him then, he could see tiny peaks of who was once there.

Russia looked out the window, feeling someone staring hard at him and saw Canada glaring from across the street at him. Canada crossed the street and Russia turned quickly to America, who had yet to notice and was just finishing his second Big Mac.

"Comrade you should wait here. There is someone I must speak to quickly." Russia told America calmly, being careful not to look in Canada's direction and alert America to his presence. America looked at him curiously and swallowed his food.

"Is everything okay?" America asked uncertainly.

"Everything is-" Russia tried to assure America. However, he had underestimated how fast Canada was and was rather surprised when Canada was suddenly beside their table and had grabbed America's arm.

"Alfred, you are coming home!" Canada snarled in rage, shocking America speechless for a moment.

"M-Mattie?" America breathed in surprise, letting his brother drag him along. He was too surprised and confused to do anything else.

"Let him go Canada." Russia commanded darkly, getting in the way of Canada's exit. Canada ignored Russia completely and moved around him, pulling on America's arm harder.

"M-Mattie you're hurting me." America whimpered, trembling. In a fit of rage, Canada turned quickly and backhanded America so hard his head snapped to the side. America was frozen in shock, tears gathering in his eyes. Canada stared in shock at his own hand and America's rapidly bruising cheek. Canada's jaw dropped, horrified with himself for actually hitting his beloved. Russia snarled furiously and yanked America away from Canada, instantly drawing his pipe as he hid America behind himself.

"Y-you hit me..." America breathed in complete shock, touching his cheek as tears fell rapidly from his wide eyes. "You promised you'd never hit me!"

"I-I didn't meant it. I love you Alfie," Canada told him desperately, trying to get him to understand just how much he loved him.

"Not enough to keep him. After all, so busy fighting you let me walk off without fight." Ivan sneered maliciously.

"This is none of your business Ruski!" Canada snapped furiously. "Alfie, baby please come home. Everything will be better this time I promise."

"Alfred is one with me now comrade." Russia told him darkly, smirking at Canada and holding his pipe at the ready and perfectly willing to fight Canada.

"Fuck off! You stole him from me! He's MINE!" Canada screamed furiously, causing America to flinch behind Russia, grabbing at his coat with trembling hands. "I'll _KILL_ you before I let you have _my_ Alfie!"

Russia was completely unimpressed with Canada's little tantrum and shrugged at him, uncaring of his rage.

"You should not have been so busy fighting in hospital." Russia told him flippantly before turning around and picking America up bridal style. Russia turned back around to face Canada and, just to piss him off, nuzzled America's tear-streaked face lovingly. "We go home now Alfred, da?"

America let out a small whimper, terrified and confused about what was happening around him. Canada glared at Russia with absolute loathing and rage.

"I told you, he's _mine_!" Canada snarled, pulling a gun from his jacket pocket and training it on Russia. Russia and America froze in surprised horror. The gun went off and America moved instantly, too fast for Russia to do anything about it. America screamed in pain, the bullet lodging itself in his shoulder rather than Russia's head, which is where it would have gone had he not moved. Russia instantly fell to his knees with America, allowing him to sit on the ground as he assessed the wound. Canada stared in horrified shock while America sobbed with pain and confusion, not knowing what to do. The whole situation was unbearable and horrifying to Alfred and he just wanted to sleep; he wanted to sleep and never wake again. Russia ripped off his sleeve and wrapped it around the wound, trying to stem the blood-flow.

"O-oh god...Alfie! I'm so sorry baby." Canada apologized tearfully, rushing forward wanting to help his beloved. Russia snarled at him, baring his teeth like a hostile animal.

"Stay away from my friend!" Russia commanded, a series of dark 'kol's falling from his lips as he glared with frozen hate at Canada.

"He's my lover! You stole him from me! If you hadn't of taken him this wouldn't of happened!" Canada shouted back, far too angry and hateful of Russia to be afraid of the nation.

"If you hadn't hurt him, it would not be so easy for me to take him would it? Is because of you that Alfred is too weak to resist anyone. I could force him to accept sexual attentions from myself, but I am not rapist like you." Russia said, sneering at Canada. His only desire was to hurt the other worse than America was hurt.

"I'm not a rapist! He wanted it! He loves me and I love him!" Canada snapped back, panting heavily and looking down at America as though trying to make him agree with his gaze alone.

"Did he want it? He is so scared of even light touches. Makes me think...Maybe he was too afraid to say 'no'. I wonder why..." Ivan replied rhetorically, quirking an eyebrow disbelievingly at Canada. America trembled in Russia's arms, turning his face into his coat. He was too afraid to say anything even though he lay bleeding, hurt, and helpless on the floor. Russia gathered America into his arms going to stand again so that he could try and bring America home.

"He...He's mine! He can't say 'no' cause he's mine!" Canada shouted angrily.

"Alfred is one that should make choice whether he wants something." Russia replied darkly.

"NO! He's mine! He and I are going home together right now!" Canada shouted.

"Nyet! You lost that chance when you drove him to suicide. Alfred, we are going home and I am making pihrozki for dinner." Russia voiced calmly, looking down at America curled into his chest. Both nations froze when they heard the cocking of the gun Canada had. Russia looked up to see Canada pointing the gun at his face not three inches away. Canada's eyes were wild his face twisted with insanity.

"You forget Ruski that I have the gun. Give me my Alfred or you will die here." Canada said coldly. America looked up at Canada pleadingly, tears falling fast.

"M-Mattie please s-stop this..." America whimpered, truly terrified in that single moment. Canada completely ignored America, his gaze focused on Russia. "Make your choice."

TBC...

Yami Ryo: Special thanks to akuoni who beta'd this and inspired it.


	7. Back Into Hell

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing!_**

**_Shameless Plug: Read my other fics_**

**_Apology: I am soooo sorry I haven't updated in so long!  
_**

_**Warning: PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE! SEXUAL ABUSE! SUICIDE! IMPERMANENT CHARACTER DEATH! Yaoi. AND YANDERE!CANADA! ALSO THERE WILL BE ACTUAL RAPE IN THIS CHAPTER! I SHALL PLACE A WARNING FOR THOSE THAT HATE RAPE LIKE ME! FOR THE REST OF YOU FREAKS ENJOY!  
**_

_**Chapter Seven: Back Into Hell  
**_

America stared up at Canada fearfully and Russia glared at Canada silently, daring him to pull the trigger.

"Wait! Please! Please Mattie don't kill him!" America begged gaining Canada's attention. "I'll go back home with you, just please! Please don't hurt him..."

"Why shouldn't I kill him? He stole you from me!" Canada accused even as Russia's arms held America closer.

"You do not need to go with monster that pretends to love you comrade." Russia assured America. America looked up at Russia with a thankful but bittersweet smile.

"I'm not the monster here asshole! He's mine and I love him more than you ever could!" Canada snarled. America flinched at the harshness in Canada's voice.

"Thank you for everything Ivan." America whispered to the Russian before standing and walking over to Canada. Russia grabbed America and tried to pull him back but, despite America's fragile mind, he was not fragile in strength and the American easily broke free. America kept his head down as Canada grabbed him and pulled him into a tight, harsh hold.

"We're going home and you're not allowed to leave the house ever again, do you understand me?" Canada snarled quietly in America's ear so that only he could hear. America swallowed the thick, painful lump that formed in his throat, fighting back tears. Canada raised his arm, aiming to shoot Russia and America moved quickly, grabbing his arm and forcing the gun to point toward the ceiling.

"No! Please Mattie don't! If you shoot him...If you shoot him, I'll leave you!" America shouted hoarsely, his voice trembling with the familiar fear that came with defying Canada. Canada stared at him in disbelief for a moment.

"Y-you would leave me? For him? !" Canada demanded, grabbing America's arms in a harsh bruising clutch and America winced in pain. America trembled, tears falling thick and hot from his burning eyes.

"I-I'm just so tired of fighting, please...No more violence..." America pleaded with him, wrapping his arms around Canada's waist and kissing his cheek. "Please Mattie, I just want to go home. I-I'll make your favorite and we can spend all night and tomorrow together." America tempted, kissing his cheek again, his voice soft and pleading. Canada sighed and put the gun back under his coat, wrapping his arms around America and nuzzling his neck.

"You're lucky I love you so much." Canada told him. "Let's get going."

"Amerika! You don't have to go." Russia shouted out in one last attempt to save the person that was quickly becoming his only friend. America turned only slightly and gave Russia a soft grateful smile.

"I'll be fine Russia. I promise..." America told him, before he turned back around he mouthed the words 'thank you' so that Canada would not see or hear. In that moment Russia had never been more furious with anyone in his entire existence. Some how he would find a way to make Canada pay for all the pain he had caused, for all the sorrow and self-hate he had put in those beautiful strong blue eyes, of this Russia vowed. Canada paused a moment to glare at Russia over America's shoulder and pull him closer as they left.

* * *

Canada pinned America to the wall, a look of dark fury on his face.

"After all that I do for you, how much I love you, you run off with fucking Russia of all people?" Canada demanded, his grip hard and bruising.

"I-I didn't!" America sobbed out. "I just woke up in his house! H-he said that you gave me to him because you didn't love me anymore and you didn't want to see me anymore!" America defended himself hoping that Canada believed him. Canada growled for a moment before letting out a put-upon sigh.

"Didn't I tell you not to believe anyone but me? I'm the only one that's ever honest with you! You're so stupid, how could you believe that damn Ruski?" Canada snapped at him. "You're not allowed to leave this house ever again. I fucking mean it Alfred. I don't want to hurt you, so don't make me."

America trembled in his hold, tears still streaming heavily down his face. Canada sighed and kissed America's cheek. America had to force himself not to turn away and try to avoid the gesture.

"I told you, you're not allowed to leave me ever. I'm the only one that loves you. I love you so much, you can't leave me." Canada told him, holding him close to his own body.

**_Raep Begins Now_**

He felt his body stir at the familiar feeling of his beloved America being held close again and grinned. Alfred had spent so long in that monster's clutches and Canada needed to make sure his sweet America knew who he truly belonged with. The bedroom was too far away, and besides, Alfred needed a little punishment for allowing this to happen. He shifted his grip so that the slightly smaller nation was pressed even closer and could feel his hardening length and began to nibble along the gentle skin, uncaring if he bruised the pale flesh. It just meant that others would see and know Alfred could never be theirs.

He had stopped carrying lube around when his poor brother had been hospitalized, but with him so close, Canada couldn't bear to part with him to go to the room to retrieve some. Instead, he groped along the counter until he reached the olive oil and dragged it over as he began unbuckling America's pants and yanking them down. He ignored the sound of fabric ripping and the stifled protests of his misguided lover.

"Turn around and brace yourself," he demanded, watching smugly as he was obeyed. He groped the perfect pert globes before slicking his fingers and beginning to stretch Alfred open. This wasn't a punishment though. This was them making up. America had been wrong to not come straight home and he was the benevolent lover who would show him how to be perfect and love him despite all his horrible faults.

The stretching was slow and languid, but once he withdrew his fingers and replaced it with his hard length, the pace was frantic and hard. Canada knew he wouldn't last long after such a dry spell, but it didn't matter. He was happy to have his beloved back. It took only a few thrusts before he filled his Alfie full with his seed and withdrew, sighing in contentment as he leaned against Alfred's back and just basked in the knowledge that America could never leave him. They loved each other. It didn't matter that Alfred had barely gotten half-hard; He was the one who had been wrong, so he needed a little bit of punishment for scaring Canada so bad and disappearing for so long. Maybe if he would ask nicely, Canada could give him a hand with taking care of it.

"If you apologize I'll give you a hand with that." Canada whispered heatedly into America's ear. America whimpered helplessly against Canada as the larger nation's hands slid around his waist touching his half hard cock and stroking it to full hardness.

"Please...Mattie, I'm so sorry please." America begged tears falling as his face burned with humiliation. Canada smirked kissing the back of America's neck and biting down leaving dark marks. "Please, I'm so sorry."

Canada began to stoke America's cock faster, just as America was about to orgasm Canada squeezed his cock preventing his orgasm.

"Ahn, no please Mattie please let me c-cum." America pleaded desperately. Canada smirked darkly.

"Promise you'll never do this again. You can't leave me ever. You belong to me, you know that. Tell me who you belong to." Canada ordered his hold becoming slightly painful.

"You! I-I belong to you Canada!" America sobbed out.

"Good boy. I love you so much America. I don't mean to hurt you, this is just for your own good." Canada told him stroking America quickly to completion. America came with a loud cry his seed spilling over Canada's hands and against the counter cabinets. Canada let him go with a disgusted noise. "You've made a mess everywhere again. Clean that up." Canada ordered leaving America alone to collapse on the floor with heart-wrenching sobs.

_**End raep**_

* * *

America sat in the cold spray of the shower his whole body numb. America never thought he would be back in here again, yet there he was trying to wash away filth that would never leave him, trying to get rid of phantom touches and pain that would never disappear.

America was not as stupid as Canada would have him believe. He knew that he was broken; he knew that he was close to shattering completely. He also knew that he could no longer live like this. However, while his mind knew that he could not, his heart was shredded, confused, and reluctant. He knew in the depths of his soul that he needed to leave. This was not how he imagined his life with Canada would be and he could no longer wait for a dream that would never be real. It was time he went home. To his own nation. He needed to be with his own people, he would not wait anymore.

America stood in the shower and turned off the water. He saw that his hands were shaking and he grabbed his arms, holding himself in a pitiful attempt at comforting himself. America took a deep breath and got out of the tub; he dried himself off with a towel and got dressed in warm comfortable pajamas as he contemplated how to sneak across the border without Canada's notice.

America slowly made his way to their shared bedroom and hesitated just before opening the door. He saw that Canada was already asleep and breathed a little in relief as he made his way to bed crawling in beside his lover.

TBC...

Yami Ryo: Special thanks to akuoni who beta'd this and inspired it. Because I couldn't bare to write my America being raped Aku wrote that part for me.


End file.
